The growth I've experienced mentally within the past week has been so immense, I just had to share a bit of what I've noticed. The first being that it's okay to not be doing well mentally. Now, I know we've all heard this before. But I know that I struggle with anxiety and depression and it's just something that I continue to work through. However, battling these is not just you crashing once and building yourself back up. This is what I believed, and I had believed that that low point for me was last year. I believed that I had worked through that and come back from it. So you can imagine how hard I was on myself when I started to feel that way again a few weeks ago. Noticing old thought patterns come back was really hard because I had believed that I would never feel that way again. So again, I reiterate that mental health battles are gonna come and go, it is normal, it is okay, but it is okay if it doesn't feel okay. It's gonna suck, no one wants to feel that way. I get it. But don't think of it as relapsing back to the place you were, this time may be shorter, it may be because of a totally different reason, it may be easier this time, or it could be just as hard. Either way, take care of yourself. We had a mental health speaker come to TCU last week and she said that when an athlete is injured, they stop playing and take time to treat the injury. However, when our mental health is "injured" we are just expected to keep going on with life exactly as before. Take time to yourself, one thing that always helps me is doing one thing I love everyday. If that is the only thing that gets you out of bed for the day, that is okay. But do one thing that will make you excited to get out of bed and go through your day.
Second thing I've learned is that you will get what you need but it is not going to be on your timing. I've been feeling so overwhelmed lately and so I kept praying for a break, any kind of break. At the same time, I've spent all winter saying, "If it's gonna get this cold in Texas, then I hope it snows." Well, I got both of those things last week. However, I didn't want them last week. I didn't want them last week because it meant cancelling all the events we had planned for my best friends birthday. I didn't want it last week because I had already gotten ahead on work and didn't feel I needed a break. God gave me both things that I had been asking for, but yet I was upset because it wasn't on the timing that I wanted.
I've been continuously reminding myself lately that God has a plan. Envisioning myself wrapped in His arms has been such a calming vision lately. I felt so much stress the other night about the idea of going to a certain party, while I easily could have just not gone, I knew that I needed to face the fear I had in order to face my anxiety. I was able to feel comfort once I was at the party with the vision of being in God's arms. Yes, it is a silly vision, but I promise that it does bring so much comfort. With all this being said, if anyone else is also struggling please reach out so I can at least pray for you. Life isn't easy and every person I've talked to lately is struggling in their own way, so you are not at all alone. If you got this far reading give the song "Better Days" by Dermot Kennedy a listen, it's a good one.
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